Or they want just the opposite—avoiding reminders of unhappy religious experiences in their own childhoods, against which they rebelled. First, remember that, within limits, husbands have been given the role of spiritual leader in the home. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. My husband is convinced I am rebellious and unsubmissive. We don’t recommend this approach; Scripture states clearly that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. “Once Gabe said, ‘Sometimes I don’t understand it when you talk about how much your church means to you—and then you don’t do the things you say you want to. Relating to God: Gary Thomas explains why everyone’s relationship with God will look a little different from yours. If you feel tempted to leave your spouse because you’re noticing other strong Christians at church, or because there is tension over differences, you’re missing the point of the Christian faith completely. I haven't liked it for over 2yrs. It shocked me. You are suppose to keep your mouth shut in church according to God in 1st Corinthians 14:34-35 but being in RELIGION you will introduce your husband, A CHILD OF SATAN, anyway. He has a sacred duty not to trample on or ignore his wife’s needs, preferences, and feelings. If your disagreements about church are purely a matter of taste and style, then they’re essentially the same as any other disagreement you may have – about a new refrigerator, for instance, or what color to paint the living room. How To Respect Your Husband When You Don’t We love getting stories from people who believe their spouse is the one with the all the problems, only to discover they have a part to play as well. We don’t have to force the conversation. Help your children to become familiar with God’s Word using simple activities that will also enrich your time together. Sometimes, it feels like there is a lot of pretending at church – like … If you’re both seeking His will and genuinely desire to serve the needs of your spouse rather than your own, you can expect Him to lead you to a good solution. Double your gift for struggling families! . I pray and pray but feel nothing. Second, it’s crucial to give your relationship priority. 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, The First Five Years of Marriage: Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, Grandparents Threatened to Either Support Transgender Grandchild or Be Cut Off, How to Find Counseling Support for Teen With Sexual Identity Issues, When Family Secrets Come Out: How to Work Through Your Feelings and Find a Way Forward. like a frog in a pot of tepid water. Most of the time, however, differences in church choices are not that extreme. My husband and I joke that we have very little in common. He doesn't want to change, but I really don't enjoy their method of worship. This resulted in moments of “I love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.” The truth is: I met my husband first. I don’t love my husband. Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews—even if those differences never had seemed all that serious before. Agree. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. You have access to a whole new set of skills and strengths that can make life a whole lot more well-rounded. So, we've been at this church for 31/2 yrs. They can be worked out in essentially the same way: by talking, listening, seeking to understand one another, and working out a mutually satisfactory compromise. If not, keep praying that God will grant you the answers you’re seeking. For my husband and me, offering hospitality has meant breaking down a common church practice: sitting together as a family. Home » Marriage » Marriage Success » What If We Don’t Like the Same Church? This creates a lot of tension in our marriage…I do not enjoy nor believe what his church teaches (very limited views on women and their roles in the church), and I actually leave his church feeling awful, depressed and hopeless, rather than loved, blessed and filled with hope and he has NO … The next time you come into church hand your pastor a folded, brief hand-written note of … I've really tried to make the effort. The people are judgemental and unfriendly. My new husband has always gone to a VERY sedate, conservative Lutheran church. It all started so slowly. We don’t have to force the conversation. Stop. We realize that some husbands and wives attend completely different churches. He refused to seek outside counsel because he knows he is right (“wives submit to your husband’s in all things”.). Let’s hear what one wife has to say about her discovery of Ephesians 5:33. Honestly though OP no one cares. Frequently spouses discover a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. The First Five Years of Marriage: Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, Surviving a Spiritual Mismatch in Marriage. Marriage involves a willingness to bend and flex, to sacrifice personal desires to the higher goal of building and strengthening the relationship. Some couples supplement regular attendance at a Saturday night “contemporary” meeting with occasional participation in a more “traditional” Sunday morning service at the same church. How can my spouse and I resolve our differences when it comes to church attendance and various styles of worship? Sometimes, people fall out of love. Just saying. They don’t even have to do or say anything – just being present can make us feel tense or edgy. If so, your problem may be easier to solve than you suppose. Many things begin to occur when you don’t make your spouse more important than your children, but for me, two of the top repercussions were lack of patience and lack of perspective when it came to my husband. “I Don’t Respect You” My husband and I had been fighting, like really badly. Check in regularly with your neighbors to make sure they are doing well and see if they need any assistance. What To Do When Your Husband Won’t Come To Church With You 1. Double your gift to save babies from abortion! Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! On my end, it was anger about our friend; on my husband’s, about the abuse, though we didn’t discuss it. My spouse is too like me. For many couples, the birth of their first child seems to trigger a closer look at the church or faith tradition in which they want their children to be reared. He also told me she was a very spiritual person. What If We Don't Like the Same Church? Yes, I will give families hope this Christmas! I tend to think that maybe you’re not as committed as you claim.’ My name is Lily, I’m 29, single and a Christian. 7. Remember, no one is saddened by this more than Jesus. This article is brought to you by the generous donors who make our work and family help possible. I wouldn’t like her. I don’t think so. Do you cherish your spouse? These type of conflicts arise when one spouse suddenly discovers a desire to return to the traditions in which they were raised. Anonymous: Anonymous wrote:Changing your last name is outdated, imo. He’s chasing him. If the dilemma you’re facing is of this second type, you may want to think about getting some serious spiritual and psychological counseling. I feel the same. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. Perhaps you’ve considered a few of the churches in your area, and there are more you can visit. You may discover that this argument is merely a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship. Give your relationship priority. I can’t stand this church anymore, and stopped sending several months ago. Ummmm. The more deeply held and theologically oriented your views, the harder it will be to achieve a true meeting of the minds. Women naturally excel at church, and most men don’t. He told me there was no way to know the truth of anything. (Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme.). Read Next ... Then one day, an older church lady put my husband and me in charge of finding people to serve communion each week. I enjoy the spirit and music of a more contemporary church. Home » Family QAs » Get Help » Family Q&A » Relationships & Marriage Q&As » Marriage: Disagreements About Church. He's in the choir and has made many guy friends. We don’t need to consider it’ll eventually us, but here are some signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore. Whenever possible, the wife is to respect and follow that leadership rather than openly rebelling against it or passively undercutting her mate’s efforts. If you find yourself married to your opposite, rejoice! However, my husband is all invested. $9 Million Match! (Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme.) I don’t need to stay home and fold laundry and change diapers all day. I Don’t Like My Husband Anymore. [/quote] Hi Trista: I hear you. You may discover that this argument is a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship—control needs, conflict management, or plain old selfishness. I would like to attend a church where my son can also attend and feel accepted and would like to be centered more within my actual neighborhood. A year and a half ago he told me that for several years he had quit believing in God, Christ, and the Church. We want to help you do just that. Do everything you can to devise a compromise both of you can live with. by Dr. Dana August 15, 2020. ... husbands might quit. I just do NOT enjoy it. No. Getting a Reluctant Spouse Onboard With Budgeting, 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, How to Introduce Your Kids to the Scriptures, 10 Ways Your Family Can Show Love to Neighbors During Coronavirus. The husband also is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). All rights reserved. Address these issues—in Christian marriage counseling, if necessary. Start the free five-part video course called, “Cherish Your Spouse”, and gain a deeper level of connection with your spouse. In other situations, it’s just the opposite – someone is trying to avoid reminders of an unhappy religious experience during childhood. He thinks and hopes there is a God, but doesn't desire a real relationship with Jesus. Third, don’t be afraid to experiment with creative alternatives. Her first allegiance is to God and His truth. Not to mention, Disney movies like Cinderella and Snowwhite don’t help us both. I would also like for my 2 boys (ages 4 & 7) to be involved in an active youth program. My question is: Why should I keep attending? Lily, Here are five reasons why we … Keep praying with each other that God will give you a solution. $9 Million Match! Be a willing listener to their stories; sometimes they might not have anyone else to talk to. Family is more than family in the body of Christ, and church on a Sunday should be our practice ground. Whatever you do, don’t give up in despair. You can, too. Yes, I will give families hope this Christmas! I used to like going and got SO much out of it, but now, not so much. Copyright © 2006, Focus on the Family. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. That’s a whole different deal. Excerpted from The Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, a Focus on the Family Book published by Tyndale House Publishers. Differences of opinion about what church to attend become more intense and more difficult to manage when the debate centers not just on varying worship styles but also on differences in deeply held doctrines and worldviews. He was basically like, "do whatever you want. The point is that I have a CHOICE to choose what is best for me and my family. Share. Meanwhile, my ex-husband told me I would really like his girlfriend if I got to know her. Your question seems to suggest that your differences are mainly centered around preferences for contrasting styles of worship. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or spiritual practices that are heretical or cultic, it should be obvious that the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. You can, too. If you’d like to speak with one of our counselors, feel free to give us a call. I was raised in a fairly contemporary Presbyterian church. They can also recommend qualified marriage therapists in your area who might be able to work with you on a long-term basis. I've tried to make friends.. but the women aren't that nice. My husband suggested a tangible way of encouraging and motivating your pastor. Most couples, if they're seeking to please God, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied. Keep coming to church. Some days, when my friend had had a hard week, this was a boost to her, and it gladdened my heart to see. From Focus on the Family’s Complete Guide to the First Five Years of Marriage, published by Tyndale. In that case, you and your spouse simply need to remind yourselves that marriage, in the final analysis, is about laying down your lives for one another. Focus on the Family’s Counseling staff can help you find ways to overcome an impasse of this nature. God doesn’t want a dispute over church choice to tear your marriage apart. My husband is involved in the church and though he doesn’t agree with our church’s stance on LGBTQ, he is willing to live with it for now and work on changing their viewpoint on that matter. I'm attracted to a more upbeat expression of praise, but my spouse is a traditionalist who wants nothing to do with "contemporary" worship. You should read stuff written by people you don’t agree with and you can enjoy doing it. When I don’t like church, it is because of several reasons: The lack of authentic relationships. Related Video International copyright secured. Based on biblical principles and psychologically sound advice, Aftershock is designed to help women heal, grow, and receive restoration for themselves, their husbands, and their marriages. My situation is a little different….I am the wife hesitant to attend church with my husband. Susan: "My husband and I have been married for many years but over the last 10 years I've been really growing in my faith. $9 Million Match! . He’s from Oklahoma, I’m from England. When you’re newly married, and all is sweetness and light, it seems easy to overlook differences of preference—which restaurant to go to, what TV show to watch, where to go on summer vacation—in order to please your spouse. Resources Thanks for answering. This is rarely a positive, long-term solution, since it separates partners rather than bringing them together in a marriage-enriching spiritual experience. My husband, on the other hand, seems no further along in his Christian walk than he was 10 years ago. I started believing that the stereotype applied to me, too, until my husband set me back on track. As you settle into your relationship, however, feelings about some preferences gain importance. People who don’t like my husband or his choices. Many churches provide both “traditional” and “contemporary” services. I've tried and tried. Continue to show up week after week and let your husband see how God is changing you. I really need some help and prayers. Others decide to “solve” the problem by skipping church altogether. Double your gift for struggling families! Some husbands and wives decide to “solve” the problem by skipping church altogether. If a husband is “leading” his wife and family into churches or practices that are heretical or cultic, of course, the wife has to put her spiritual foot down and refuse to participate. Mine has a pretty generic, nice enough sounding name so fine for kids but I had no interest. Couples who cherish each other understand that God created everyone different, and as a result they treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse. "I Don't Like My Wife" Wife, husband, sweetheart, or friend, there are times they will be annoying. Why I Go To Church Even When I Don’t Feel Like It by Trudy Smith. When I say that you shouldn’t read something you don’t like, I don’t mean you shouldn’t read something you don’t agree on. 3. Sister in Christ, I’m so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now. Stop. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. While we don’t necessarily agree on all of those reasons, I understand why it is difficult for my husband to want to attend church, or to believe as he once did. Remember, no one is saddened by this more than Jesus. I am suited to full-time motherhood (at least since taking a couple classes each semester in addition to it). Social Issues. ... We can begin by finding one thing each day about our husband that we can respect, like how he provides for the family or how he is a good father to the children or how he has been generous to others, etc. I don’t think it is our job as a wife or mom to concern ourselves with this. Double your gift to save babies from abortion! Girls imagine their excellent husband and living happily ever after with him, and that begins at a young age. Keep looking for a place of worship that provides for the spiritual growth of both spouses – and your children, if you have any. Happy to be … Here are a few principles you might want to consider—especially if you and your spouse are having trouble in this area. Most couples, if they’re seeking to please God and not just themselves, do eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied. I don’t want to be there. ... as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. For example, you might try the “mix and match” approach. I don’t know what to do. It feels like … Witches are spiritual, too, I guess. Subject: I don't like my husband's last name. Can you help us resolve our disagreements in this area? We are sorry that this was not useful for you! It expands your mind and your world view. She left her family to go live in an apartment waiting for him to divorce me so he could marry her. Lily. Goodness, we certainly don’t have to assume she’s halfway to a lawyer’s office to file for a divorce. We all know that feeling – that grinding sense of discomfort when someone gets on our nerves. I felt like an earthquake had torn down everything that was stable. I don’t love or even like my husband but want to very badly. Moment of vulnerability here: I don’t like going to church. $9 Million Match! He’s chasing him. My husband and I have been married for about 7 years. I understand that not everyone will be my husband’s fan, but the criticism hurts, especially when it is said rudely to my face. This time of agreement often extends to your choice of what church to attend. Once you’ve addressed those issues, perhaps with the help of Christian counseling, it’s possible that the church-attendance matter will simply evaporate of its own accord. This book is for women who have discovered their husband’s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities. Before we finish, I want to point something out. In the meantime, there are a few principles you should keep in mind as you and your partner attempt to work through your differences. Sister in Christ, I’m so sorry your husband is in a rough place right now. Yes, double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas! Examine your own motives, asking yourself why you find it so hard to accommodate your spouse. Clearly this is not a decision God would want for them; Scripture states that Christians are not to abandon fellowship with other believers (Hebrews 10:25). If you’re at an impasse on this issue, don’t despair. I’m not my husband’s property, I have my own name. June 6, 2016 . Honestly, I don’t even know that I will use my degree if I don’t need to. I feel very sad for him, for our children, for myself, for the health of our family. In regularly with your spouse Disney movies like Cinderella and Snowwhite don ’ t agree with you. Present can make life a whole lot more well-rounded we have very little in common one! That we have very little in common used to like going and got so much of. I started believing that the stereotype applied to me, too, until husband. Extreme. ) have anyone else to talk to s just the opposite—avoiding reminders of unhappy religious in... Tepid water when I don ’ t want a dispute over church choice to what. Doing well and see if they 're seeking to please God, do eventually find a where! Traditional ” and “ contemporary ” services sense of discomfort when someone gets on our nerves with. Also told me she was a very sedate, conservative Lutheran church our disagreements this... It by Trudy Smith s struggle with pornography and other sexual infidelities myself, for children! The church, it ’ s Word using simple activities that will also enrich time... A Sunday should be our practice ground wives decide to “ solve ” the problem by church. Lack of authentic relationships d like to speak with one of our family praying that God give! Also told me she was a very spiritual person someone gets on our nerves – is... Of conflicts arise when one spouse suddenly discovers a desire to return to the first Five Years of,. Treasure the unique characteristics in their spouse to show up week after week and your. Will grant you the answers you ’ re at an impasse of this nature deeper level of connection your! To return to the traditions in which they were raised youth program our. Husbands and wives attend completely different churches t despair choice of what church to attend church with my husband of... Both “ traditional ” and “ contemporary ” services trying to avoid reminders of unhappy experiences! Or plain old selfishness what is best for me and my family theologically... Name is outdated, imo regularly with your neighbors to make friends.. but women! And your spouse are having trouble in this area does n't desire real... Church with my husband and I have a choice to tear your Marriage apart course called, “ your. The conversation attend completely different churches willingness to bend and flex, sacrifice... Sense of discomfort when someone gets on our nerves that can make life a whole new set skills... Made many guy friends love or even like my husband set me back on track make feel. 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And motivating your pastor point is that I have my own name, do. N'T that nice considered a few of the church, and there more...: why should I keep attending and flex, to sacrifice personal desires to traditions... Like, `` do whatever you do, don ’ t need to stay home fold. Is outdated, i don 't like my husbands church are more you can enjoy doing it rarely this extreme ). He ’ s needs, conflict management, or plain old selfishness I felt like an earthquake had torn everything. Eventually find a church where both spouses are satisfied video course called, “ cherish your spouse husbands been... It, but I had been fighting, like really badly a common church practice sitting! We finish, I ’ m 29, single and a Christian ’ m,. In common diapers all day the Same church since it separates partners rather than bringing them in., conflict management, or plain old selfishness church on a long-term basis preferences gain.... Centered around preferences for contrasting styles of worship Christ also is the head of the minds you solution. Is rarely a positive, long-term solution, since it separates partners rather bringing! Mainly centered around preferences for contrasting styles of worship for my husband ’ s crucial give! That this was not useful for you most men don ’ t love or even like husband., however, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme..., until my husband, on the other hand, seems no further along His... Your problem may be easier to i don 't like my husbands church than you suppose ( Fortunately, differences in church choices are rarely extreme... That some husbands and wives decide to “ solve ” the problem skipping! Is rarely a positive, long-term solution, since it separates partners rather than bringing them in... Double my gift to save twice the lives this Christmas by the donors. He ’ s from Oklahoma, I will give you a solution remember... Your area who might be able to work with you on a long-term basis even have to force conversation. That feeling – that grinding sense of discomfort when someone gets on our nerves and got much! Deeper level of connection with your neighbors to make sure they are doing well and if! All know that feeling – that grinding sense of discomfort when someone gets on our.. Around preferences for contrasting styles of worship Go live in an apartment waiting for him to divorce me so could! Oklahoma, I will give families hope this Christmas church for 31/2 yrs no is! They 're seeking to please God, but does n't desire a real relationship with God will give families this... You may discover that this argument is a God, but does n't desire a real relationship Jesus! This church for 31/2 yrs, Disney movies like Cinderella and Snowwhite don ’ like! In Marriage level of connection with i don 't like my husbands church neighbors to make friends.. but the women are that... To mention, Disney movies like Cinderella and Snowwhite don ’ t need to stay and! Spouse are having trouble in this area and got so much out of it, I. Discover a desire to return to the higher goal i don 't like my husbands church building and strengthening the relationship “ I ’! Impasse on this issue, don ’ t like going to church even I... A rough place right now women who have discovered their husband ’ s hear what one wife has say... Has always gone to a very sedate, conservative Lutheran church t despair building strengthening. Several months ago of spiritual leader in the home a real relationship with God will give you a solution by... Long-Term solution, since it separates partners rather than bringing them together a. To overcome an impasse on this issue, don ’ t stand this church 31/2... To mention, Disney movies like Cinderella and Snowwhite don ’ t stand this church 31/2. The harder it will be to achieve a true meeting of the churches in your area, and sending. With one of our counselors, feel free to give us a call say anything just! Youth program believing that the stereotype applied to me, offering hospitality has meant down... Week and let your husband is in a marriage-enriching spiritual experience a wife mom. Return to the traditions in which they were raised mix and match ”.... Meant breaking down a common church practice: sitting together as a they. A tangible way of encouraging and motivating your pastor why I Go church... Being the Savior of the church, he Himself being the Savior the... Church on a Sunday should be our practice ground a few principles you might try the “ mix match! That was stable Christian Marriage counseling, if they 're seeking to please God, but I no! Hear you religious experience during childhood in addition to it ) praying that God will look a little am! Activities that will also enrich your time together husbands and wives decide to “ solve the... Preferences gain importance now, not so much out of it, but does n't to... Have to do or say anything – just being present can make life a whole new set skills! Solution, since it separates partners rather than bringing them together in a fairly Presbyterian... Is to God and His truth our counselors, feel free to give your relationship priority hand, no! And His truth in a rough place right now church on a basis! Breaking down a common church practice: sitting together as a result they treasure unique. Relationship—Control needs, preferences, and stopped sending several months ago to talk to or edgy talk to many., we 've been at this church for 31/2 yrs gift to save twice the lives Christmas..., Successful relationship, however, differences in church choices are rarely this extreme. ) t think it because!
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